This post was first created as a journal entry in April 2018, then transformed into a social media post and now I have decided to let it all hang out and share these Self-Truths with you on my Website. I hope what you read here will inspire you. I know it has inspired me. Blessings.
I have butterflies thinking about sharing this most intimate of personal discoveries with you. However, I believe that the only way for me to genuinely manifest this experience into reality is to share it with you. Not to mention that it may inspire you to look deep within to discover some of your own Self-Truths.
Over the last few months, I have taken on some significant life-altering endeavors. One being that I am reinventing my business to an online model vs. a local coaching model. The second; I will walk the El Camino de Santiago, a 500 + mile pilgrimage in May 2019. Strangely, since I have decided to take on these two gargantuan endeavors, I feel as if I am close to tears more often than not. But, I have been staying busy enough not to have to address this strange feeling. It’s too weird and unusual for me. What I would typically feel upon taking on such a commitment is excitement and anticipation. Not this profound emotional reaction, one I cannot seem to identify except as possibly fear and hope at the same time. I experience fear, as in the fear it may not happen and hope that I will accomplish these things and they will change my life as well as the lives of others that I encounter.
The fear is that I am not meant to take on such an incredible life-changing experience, both professionally and spiritually. Why should I be able to do these things? I am simply me. I am not good enough to be exceptional or to take on such an overwhelming adventure.
I fear these two considerable ventures in my life will be like so many other things I have experienced. I am good enough and brave enough to go for it, but not quite exceptional enough to take it to the finish line. My abilities may be a bit beyond typical but not enough to be amazing. Am I actually “enough” to make this HUGE transformation?
Am I so wrapped up in the “Not Quite Enoughness” belief in myself, that I don’t think I belong to the wholeness of the universe? What the heck is this?
I do believe I am a part of the Universe and that I am God. One who creates my reality every moment. But perhaps I’m the lowest of the Gods and can only achieve mediocracy.
I am currently reading the book, Eat, Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert, (Shhhh, I know it’s been out for like ten years. Don’t judge me, I have been busy.) Anyway, she is asked to describe herself in one word. I was stopped in my tracks by this idea. What came immediately to my mind was; I am DESIRE or WANTING. I teach all who will listen if we are WANTING the Universe will give us exactly what we ask. We will be given Wanting and not the “having” of whatever we desire.
Perhaps I have not been ready. Ready for what? Willing to believe that I, the moderately successful Wendie can experience Great success and Great adventures? That I am actually part of the nature of things? To realize I am as Small as a Child and as Huge as the Sun? To believe that I AM?
Peace, Joy, Abundance, Wisdom
My hope is that I truly understand that real peace, joy, abundance, and wisdom can come only by being and knowing that we ARE Peace, Joy, Abundance, and Wisdom. This wisdom is something I have Struggled, Pushed, and Forced to understanding with my intellect my whole life. HA!!! Now I get it! That Struggle, Push, and Force IS The Obstacle. I have finally come to an understanding deep down in my soul how this works to BE part of the whole Universe not outside of it.
When we struggle, push, force the Wanting is the reality. Therefore, we get precisely what we believe to be true, more Wanting. All of this strive of trying to make it happen is what stops us from “Being.”
Let me try to put it into an antidote. Even as a tree may die from lack of water I doubt it yearns and wants water, it just is without water. There is nothing it can do about it, it can only experience lacking water, but my guess is, it does not suffer lacking, it just IS a Tree lacking water.
I realize now I can choose to create who I will be Now. My word that describes me. My word is “Being.”
If I understand I am God and I am One with all; is it not in my power to create anything of which I genuinely wish to Experience? YES!
Not a Tree
In conclusion, because I am not a tree but a conscious being, I can request any ingredient I need to create the life experience I choose. Today I choose to experience and manifest financial abundance. So that I may fully experience and share that manifestation with others. My success and ability to create the life and joy and wisdom that I manifest is a tremendous personal journey as well as an opportunity to inspire others to do the same.
I am on a great adventure, and I choose the experience abundance, joy, peace and wisdom moving through the fear and turning it into curiosity for what lays ahead.
Thank you for witnessing this transformation inside of me and allowing me to be so open and vulnerable. I am blessed to share my journey with you! May you also walk your path with joy and peace and wisdom as you experience this incredible journey we call life.